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Help you Help Yourself. if you belong to any group on facebook that is business, photography, podcast or a similarly related type of group. You might have noticed the over abundance of questions around that topic. For photography most people want to know step by step how to start a business. What to do, what to charge, how to shoot, where to shoot and the list goes on for literally miles. 

It seems like they want to be spoon fed every detail. Want isn't a strong enough word. They feel entitled to that information merely because they decided that was their next direction. While asking questions is great. Expecting someone to spoon feed you the answers of life isn't. You have to put in the work at least try. Yes, I said the word. TRY!!! If you happen to find someone who is willing to give you the answers. How do you know they will even apply to your situation?

As a photographer I follow many people who teach photography and business. There is one particular Sal Cincotta that I relate to in many ways. There are some distinct ways we differ. He happens to use the word hustle ofter and I completely agree with it and him in that regard. There are other photographers that train that openly dislike the word and teaching anyone to hustle. It is up to me to decide where I fit in the two views. If I were to simply go off what one of them says over the other then I am depriving myself of the experience of trying. You never know. Maybe I find an entirely different way to do something that no one else tried up to that point.

Basically, don't sell yourself short and believe in yourself. That will serve you better than listening to the opinions of others.

Also, it is annoying to see person after person wanting to be spoon fed life. 

Hello my Unscripted ones. In the third installment of Reverse Racism I am going to flip the script. This isn't about Racism, it is about ignorance! It is ignorant not to at least attempt to understand another persons struggle. It is ignorant to be a lifetime victim of life AIN't fair or life owes me something.

News flash: Life doesn't owe you anything and neither does anyone else on this planet!!!

I end the third and final episode of She said What or Reverse Racism. I stop this stupid crap. Instead I highly encourage each and everyone of you to reach out of your comfort zone and learn someone else story. Go to a retirement home for a day and just talk to people. There is no place or time remaining for this black/white crap. We are all people on the same round Earth. It is time to adapt and stop living in the past. Stop hating on complete strangers for their differences. Instead embrace those people and learn their story.

Turns out this isn't about racism at all. It is simply a case of bullying and using a sensitive subject to assert power!!!

Relate!!! How do we relate to others without knowing where that person is coming from? Hearing another persons opinion doesn't negate yours!!!

Today my Unscripted Ones I am about to drop a fairly controversial podcast about Reverse Racism in America. This is based off a discussion I read along with today from Sunny Gibson on Facebook and Tessa MacLeod. The conversation started innocently enough with Tessa asking questions about reparations for slavery and what that would look like.
 
It went from a communication with both people to Tessa getting made fun of by Sunny for being white. Sunny Gibson actually got rather rude for no reason. In my humble opinion. I have reached out to @sunnygibson and asked her if she would like to be on the podcast to discuss her points.
 
I have thought about this more and more tonight. I just can't shake the feeling things were left unsaid. I have read and reread the dialog between the two women. I think I pick up frustration on Sunny's side and who can blame her? I know Tessa's story and have read portions of her book, "A Girl Called Bitch." I know where Tessa's pain comes from. I would really love to get outside opinions on all of it. I would love Sunny to come on the blog. I would also love Ray Sr to hop on. His words have left me wanting more. I want to know his story, his history. So Ray, if you are out there reading this please consider. I am heading to facebook to formally ask Kristie and yourself to please join my podcast for an episode or two. :)
 
To be honest I agreed with both of them until the end. That is when @sunnygibson started making jokes on Tessa's behalf for being white or at least that is what it seemed like.
 
I love differing opinions and hearing both sides of a discussion. So, I hope that Sunny will take me up on my offer. I would like to hear her thoughts.
 
A few quotes and a link to the podcast to end with:
 
When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful. Malala Vousafzai
 
When a person gets stuck in their beliefs of the World. They get locked in their own form of Hell. A Hell of their own making.
 
So, Tessa Michelle MacLeod I heard you and heard your message. You are against slavery and think reparations could be possible and interested in what those could be.
 
I think both women have a lot to say. A lot of good things to say. I just don't like how the conversation ended. It was rude. So, I am giving both women an opportunity to say their peace.
 
My new motto: Trying to better the World one person at a time.

I have heard many photography pages talking about wanting to be a photographer and steps you should take. They kept everything all bright and shiny and overlooked some key information.

 

So, as only I can do let me lay out 11 things you should know if you want to be a photographer. Isn't it just taking pictures and collection money??? According to many yes, that is all you do. If you ask a professional photographer they will tell you that is about 10% of what needs to be done.

Distractions! We all experience them. How do we recognize a distraction and avoid or minimize them.

It seems like you can't go anywhere or be online without seeing a post about White Privilege. I really want to dig into this term and I am not trying to offend or minimize anything anyone else is going through. With that being said, coming from a poor white family in the South. White Privilege didn't exist.

This podcast isn't about black or white, fair or unfair, privilege or not privileged. It is about the need people have to villainize others to justify our own position. I will challenge the term White Privilege an d suggest it is actually Wealth Privilege.

It has been many years since my humble beginnings. I do alright for myself but I work for everything I have. I didn't secure anything in my life by being white. Perhaps if I was wealthy and white then perhaps White Privilege might exist or would it be called rich privilege? Whether you believe him to be guilty or not OJ Simpson is said to have gotten by with murder. He isn't white, it was due to wealth.

Is it fact or just a label? I will not deny there are severe discrepencies when it comes to jail time and sentencing of black vs white people. I will not deny that the college scandal was mostly by white people and so far the sentencing has been a joke. Was that white privilege or wealth privilege?

If you are a white or black 18 year old trying to get into college, good luck. The little asian girls are kicking both groups asses. Why? Privilege? Noooo. Those sweet little asian girls are studying 4 to 6 hours a day on top of school. They aren't watching 4 to 6 hours of TV. They listen to and respect the opinions of the elders. Is that privilege or hard work. I lean on the side of hard work.

While I am doing well in life I don't contribute the success to the color of my skin. To suggest that is insulting. To say the only reason I have what I do is because I am white. Really??? Tell that to Oprah.

I have faced many rejections along the way. I have been denied by jobs and colleges. I have been to jail (oh and by the way they weren't easier on me because I was white. Actually the opposite. They used words like only fair, making an example, racial tension and intolerance to name a few. I had never been in trouble with the law previously, I had 1 ticket and had a good job. My life got turned upside down because I was white. I am thankful it did. I started working smarter instead of harder, I didn't take things personally, I stopped get discouraged and I hustled. That is the reason for my success, not the color of my skin.

I get there are a lot of people out there that judge people by the color of their skin. They use to be called racists or bigots. So, isn't it reverse racism to say that everything I have achieved is only due to white privilege and the color of my skin? That is just as sick as a white person saying all black people are lazy. Both statements are ignorant.

I am not making light of the fact that black people in the past were treated like shit in this country and to a degree some still are treated like shit. Slavery was a disgusting and embarrassing time for America. This next sentence is disgusting but true. The Dutch, French, Spanish, Portuguese, British, Arabs and a number of West African kingdoms played a prominent role in the Atlantic slave trade, especially after 1600. During the 1983–2005 Second Sudanese Civil War people were taken into slavery.

Slavery is alive and well today. It is just happening in other countries so not much is being said about it. Sex trafficking, is that not a form of slavery? 

Evidence emerged in the late 1990s of systematic child-slavery and -trafficking on cacao plantations in West Africa. Slavery continues into the 21st century. Although Mauritania criminalized slavery in August 2007, an estimated up to 600,000 men, women and children, or 20% of the population of Mauritania, are currently enslaved, many of them used as bonded labor.

Slavery is alive and well in this day and time. Instead of labeling, fighting and hating each other in America. How about we acknowledge the past and change the future. Stand together as a great Nation and make a commitment from the citizens to stand united against all forms of slavery. 

Instead of labeling and hating each other. Unite and make a difference. Is that even possible or are we too far divided?

As I have discussed it previous episodes I am in the process of writing a couple of books. A Girl Called Bitch is an account of portions of my childhood. 

As a child I was both physically and mentally abused. While the physical wasn't as often. The mental abuse was daily and left scars and damaged that has taken the better part of 40 to unpack. While I am now on a fairly healthy track. That wasn't always the case. I did things I am not proud of, I made many mistakes and I took risks that weren't necessary just to feel alive.

I have spent a lifetime hiding from myself and hating the person in my mirror. While it addresses reasons for some of the damage. It isn't one of those books that blames mom and dad for my issues. At the end of the day you come to an age where you have to decide what type of person you will be. you can be the forever victim or you can go build the life you want.

This book focuses on working past the trauma and issues to build the life you want. The majority of us go through shit while growing up. It isn't an excuse or reason to be a dysfunctional or fucked up adult. That my friend is a choice! 

No matter how 50 shades of fucked up your childhood or life has been. You have the power to fix it. You got this. Go live your best life!!!

Forgiveness for ourselves and others can be a challenge for most. While we might offer forgiveness to others we never muster the grace to forgive ourselves. If you don't forgive yourself then how can you be a complete person or good partner? I am not talking about forgiving yourself for cutting in front of someone else. I am talking about the dark shit that has impacted your life, shaped the direction of your life, held you back or even the crap your nightmares are made of. 

Learning to grant yourself forgiveness for those things will free you to go after the person you were meant to be.

Be Strong ~ Be Fearless ~ Be Forgiven

 

11 steps to help you on your way to forgiveness:

  • Learn yourself and your emotions. Only when you truly know your own mind will you be able to walk down the path of true forgiveness. What I mean is if you pretend or try to not get messy then you aren't addressing the ugly crap or forgiving the things that are holding you back.
  • Journal, video tape, blog, talk out loud or whatever your thing is, do it. Acknowledge the mistakes outlaid or writing. Write out why you feel you need to be forgiven and then how forgiveness will change your life. 
  • Learn and gain experience from your mistakes and things you need forgiveness for.
  • Feel free to go back many times if needed to address a mistake or time in your life. It isn't a race, finish at your own pace.
  • We all have those inner voices that say crappy things to us. Our own worst critics. Learn the patterns of that voice. Such as when it makes its debut and when it shuts up.
  • Journal about when the voice/critic gets the worst. What is being said?
  • Tell it to shut the hell up!!! And Mean it.
  • Define what you want and start working out steps to get there.
  • Learn your own patterns. If a certain situation makes you act a certain way and you don't like it. Don't put yourself in the situation over and over.
  • It is natural to go back to the self defeating talk and ways that got you feeling like this in the first day. Be it a bad day or set back. it is easy to go back to the self hate that is so comfortable. Instead, try something new.
  • Grace, compassion and love. Here is the kicker. Show these emotions to yourself! Often!!!

Stop Making Excuses and Get OFF Your ASS!!! This lesson is a tough one to swallow some days. Let's be honest. There are a million excuses why it won't work or to justify not doing it. The question is what if it does work? What if you get that new job, lose the weight, find a lover, start a business, spend more time with someone you love and on and on.

How much time do you spend each week watching TV, watching sports, playing video games, watching porno or on social media? Still think there is no time to cook, go to the gym or do other things? It comes down to Motivation and Priorities!!!

 

11 Steps to Stop Making Excuses

  • Stop comparing yourselves to others
  • Stop with the fear already
  • Stop blaming other and take responsibility for yourself
  • Get off your ass
  • Baby steps; small goals maybe a week or month out and no more; at first
  • Learn from your mistakes
  • Focus on your strengths and accomplishment not on weakness and failure
  • You have the power
  • Don't doubt yourself
  • Visualize your goals and hustle
  • Progress not Perfection

 

Self Care ~ The lost Art of Me Time

I never really saw the need for self care. I thought it wasn't needed or it was a form of pampering. Maybe in the back of my mind I didn't deserve self care. I needed to serve others to not focus on myself. To avoid the face in the mirror. Avoid what was looking back at me. 

Now I "Stand and Look with Love!" I am proud of the person I am becoming. I now like to occasionally spoil myself with self care. It might be a drive, camping, yoga, road trip, new pillows, a candle, trip to farmers market or a plethora of other things. The fact is I finally realize I matter and am worth self care. My hope for you is if you are struggling. Reach out to someone. You deserve happiness and self care.

Dictionary.com says self care is: care of the self without medical or other professional consultation. ( I would like to add this is an extremely Lame definition of self care!)

Google: 

  1. the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health.
    "autonomy in self-care and insulin administration"
    • the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.
      "expressing oneself is an essential form of self-care"
       
       
       
       

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